We stayed in contact for four months and it looked like we would get back together soon. Then when i met him to hear him out, he was finally ready to be back with me the way we were. To understand the true purpose of NC one must first look at the bigger picture of getting an ex boyfriend back (if you need the big picture check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.). If events led to the two of your breaking off a serious relationship, then no amount of rushing around to put it back together again will fix the problem. She said she hoped I would understand where she was coming from and she could not keep coming to this point. After that happened he lost his job and had issues with his family and has had a pretty deep depression going on Ive stuck around and said I wasnt going anywhere but conversation started to be lucky if I got one to two texts a day. I guess there is a part of me that hopes by talking to him hell realize how much he misses me and will want to get back together but I am also worried that by talking so much, he doesnt have a chance to miss me. You see, men and women are very similar in many respects. Make sure you remain honest if you decide to speak. According to a study by a Western Ontario graduate, Ms. Veronika Lukacs, 90% of exes check their exes profile after the breakup. I can see his pictures posted on instagram and he seems to be happy. February 18, 2023 by Zan. But I question if I made the right moves. A mans heart is stubborn. Dont respond or try to explain. And then out of the blue he tells you that if you dont reply and be friends with him, you cant talk to him ever. That way he will keep comparing you to the new girl and miss you more. As Ive written about multiple times in my experience, ex boyfriends have a tendency to contact you at the strangest of times. Perhaps he needs time and his so called freedom to sort things. I have already defined what the no contact rule is in the opening paragraph of this guide but I havent really talked about what the purpose of it is. what did you eat. Thks, Hi, in a relationship for just less than I year. And over time, that will work on his psyche. He always leaves me, but do sex when I am in front, he calls me his best friend, for relationship his explanation is( he loves me but we dnt hv future cause of different religions), thats why he broke up with me. It is not normal for either party to the relationship to pretend that everything is fine. (No timeline on it, just some day.) Utilizing No Contact seldom leads to your guy moving on faster. Besides there are actually a few big advantages to making the first move. At this point in the timeline your ex will wonder why you haven't reached out to them and why you haven't tried to get them back. You would just be feeding into his hysteria. This victimized role he is going to place himself in is going to cause him to want revenge on you in some way shape or form. My ex left me for grass is greener and I am in day 23 of no contact. Does this mean that the no contact failed? I promise that I am going to do everything in my power to make that a reality for you and I want YOU to hold me accountable to it. Men are different though. You did everything you could think of like texting, calling begging, pleading, crying, possibly writing a letter, showing up at his home, and/or showing up at his workplace. He has to respect your decision. I received that question from one of the commenters and it got me thinking. What if I lose him because of it? Now I am not in your heart anymore right? He has said from beginning that he wasnot ready to committ to a relationship. I can see a lot has happened and you have been thru a lot. Wouldnt the no contact period make it easier for him to be with her?. So he decided to move to abroad for better future. Hes going to forget you: Out of sight, out of mind, You might ask, Cant I just continue to talk to him and just not talk to him about the relationship, so that I can remind him of the good times and not risk losing him?. I know NC is hard, but as you will learn in my program, much of your efforts during NC is to focus on you and your recovery and you will be little good to yourself or in your efforts to get her back if your head is not right! Your life does not revolve around whether your ex contacts you or not. Will he just give up on me because he feels I gave up on him?, He already said hes not ever coming back. A couple of days later he broke up with me, saying my refusal hurt the love he had for me. Hi Kay, there is still hope but be sure that you are working on yourself the entire time so that you have emotional control and are the best version of yourself so when he speaks to you again you are going to be this happy and confident person, My boyfriend was struggling financially but I felt that he wasnt pulling his weight so I recommended friendship in the beginning in order for me to be helpful and to prevent resentment. Also, just perhaps it is a good thing that he does not want to talk with you. Hes very stubborn. I have been through this several times. The no contact rule will be hard because he wants to send you a message or call you so badly. I said u r not my friend either, he said I dont know about friendship but is remaining are still there, I said nothing is left, u made it clear to me. What unfriending but Read more. In essence, they are continually practicing their social skills. He hung up on me , I called him back right away . He may be angry somewhat because he has grown accustomed to the friends with benefits situation. You cant control how your ex feels. Strong relationships are not built on control. Its hard to stay out of sight now if you are active in social media and if you read Chris posts and books, you will find a wealth of information about how to keep him thinking about you. And I am talking about you. Personally, I think men like this arent very good in relationships. I'm hoping you'd fall for it again. Ask yourself first. Much of this post will also focus on solutions. Show him you have moved on (but you think of him fondly), but also show him that youre not going to chase him anymore because you have a full life. The recipe is pretty simple, but I admit it can be hard to implement consistently. And that is where you will plant your seeds of attraction. I would like to take a look at what could possibly be going on in his mind if he takes a really long time to contact you. The point I am trying to make here is that the more attached you are to someone the greater the chances that them ignoring you will affect you. He could barely talk to me. He wouldnt talk to me at first when he found out . You have control over the attitude you embrace each and every day. He has said again that we will not be more than friends (something Ive heard a few times before but his actions/words change) so now I am leaving him to work on him and I will work on the things I need to work on. Well, while you are discouraged that he hasnt grown a spine and contacted you to at least see how you are doing he is sitting back chanting. I took promise again to not lie n hide but to tell me. Youve ended a romantic relationship and it hurts. This way he can test the water and then say oh I thought we broke up. Just tell him you need time for yourself and when youre ready, youll reach out. Too many people fail to realize that being in love has one big negative, loss. I digressed a bit. It could be due to the possibility that the break up was a really bad one. So what can you do to help him keep you top of mind and back of mind. An old flame can actually help your ex boyfriend realize the value you have. You see, a large portion of women who visit this site are under the impression that all they have to do to get their ex back is the no contact rule. If talked them he would feel as if i am annoying for him. Just maybe he is not the right guy for you or maybe he needs a lot more time to figure things out. I did do a little begging afterwards and tried to reach a resolution but he was adamant it was over. They think and hope that unfriending without blocking means that their ex still has feelings for them and that their ex may be using them as a backup plan. Hey Melissa, so you are doing No Contact right giving that you are not reaching out to him and hopefully not viewing his posts if he does post to SC. I bet you never thought of your ex has a science experiment! You found us! To make your ex boyfriend miss you right? Then I will send them to you, I didnt respond, so he called. We had never argued! Or maybe for him is over? Because I have literally been in that position before. Has he moved on ? Anything I should be doing? But in this period our relation was also not going well. Yeah, what if the ex chooses to do that after one week of no contact and then just ignored you all throughout the remaining days of your no contact?. Seriously, I am so used to messaging girls (who I am romantically interested in) first that it is kind of annoying to me to keep doing it. After the no contact period is over. I am confused, whether I told him correctly by saing you wanted to leave me u left so I am out now. But he didnt listen to me. Keep yourself productive and keep being beautiful and being active in social media. The fact that he broke up with you, probably means he doesnt want you to give him attention anymore. I didnt reply. Wouldnt that let him get away faster or become angrier with me. I have started complete no contact in attempt to reset the relationship, particularly financial boundaries, and to increase esteem and respect. He said u hv to complicate everything I said I am not complicating anything. It will help keep your mind off of sad times. He talked about maybe how things annoyed him that he hasnt spoke of but wouldnt tell me what they were. Hi Brie, it really is your call if you want to move on or not. Dont confuse him. Its obvious he is upset because of what hes been posting on social media. I was against his decision first because it will make us far from one another but after some days i also understood his situation that it will be best for him. Do you continue to explain why youre ignoring him? Now, we sometimes have this little voice that speaks in our minds. Ended up sleeping together, and eventually ended up hanging out once or twice a week for the next month and a half. Let him be. It also makes me feel like he doesnt care that much that he doesnt even want his clothes . We spoke the following Tuesday for an hour. If he's tired of being with you, then doing no contact is your way of respecting his decision. He broke up 3 weeks ago. Ive completed a month in NC and he hasnt contacted me at all, but he likes all my posts/stories. Remember Chris teachings. Neither of us have contacted one another. Lets say you havent texted or responded to anything and youre just ignoring him and now hes super angry because of it. Please help! That way you can become more interesting to him. Maybe is is simply afraid to reach out. What is important is you keep the focus on becoming the best version of you. What are some of the more common examples of how a Moonstruck Girl can get sideways with her emotions? Well, lets again turn to our Moonstruck Girl for some wisdom. It can too frequently remind us of all the negative possibilities. Hi all! Don't get comfortable and slide back into old habits. Dont tell him youre doing the no contact rule. Hey April I would say that you need to complete 30 days minimum or 45 max before reaching out, Hi, we have been together for 8 months. I am finding it very hard to move on. It is unlikely he is going to turn up unannounced. What your ex boyfriend is losing is you. When You Meet Up With Your Ex That first meeting after no contact is important. Welcome to the 21st century where everything and everyone is online! You figure, what do I have to lose.. It made me insane. Both of us are divorced, and have kids. Its as much for you as it is for the guy to learn, recovery, and come to appreciate your value. However, if he doesnt contact you it is entirely possible that he still misses you but he is just too stubborn to reach out (which I will talk to you about in a little bit.). He will get the message. Chalk one up for immaturity. She said it felt wrong to leave so we gave it another shot. N lastly I said, u wanted to leave me, u left me, I am out now. In this situation where you are contemplating breaking the No Contact Rule, you should be far along in the process. I guess the two go hand and hand dont they? Comment ok I get Im doing it and I am still on hell. If a guy has broken up with you the emotions he is going to experience after the breakup may cause him to feel like he was the victim. Now it's important to note that every situation is unique. But that we can be friends and see each other when none of the kids are around. Sometimes it really pays to be the first one making the move on your ex because not only can you control things a little bit better it is always kind of nice when a guy feels wanted. I was gonna yell at him for acting so mean and disresful he never answered and I wasnt gonna blow up his phone. However, his pride is telling him not to do it. This may spark an interesting debate though because if an ex boyfriend is using his own silence to hurt you does it mean that he would ever consider a reconciliation? However, I would suggest that your reach out text should be in line with the style that Chris suggests and how to get him talking to you about something that would interest him. The next day he came over we argued about it then got over it he stayed the next two days . Im positive hes self sabotaging . I talk with women everyday who struggle to complete their No Contact Period. I have found this to be a frequent concern with many women and the very thought of it can dig right into your soul. Well, like I explained above. I said no I will. Consider including activities or things he loves (so long as you enjoy as well). In a way, yes he did. I said, u never wanted to be in my heart, why does it matter to you now? I find them encouraging and insightful. Well, today we are going to be tackling one of the most asked questions when it comes to the no contact rule. Lets hope he realizes the folly of his ways. Then my dad tried to contact him again he avoided meeting up with him. We got on great and were in the exciting dating phase. You should do what you fear! Breaking up is hard on both parties. He will see he no longer has this exciting and interesting person in his life. If your ex starts to behave in this manner, it is likely he will eventually change this attitude because often its a spur of the moment reaction. The point I am trying to make here is that silence is very powerful and the no contact rule uses silence to its advantage. You can still love someone but still know that they are not a good person to be in a relationship with, you are hurt by what has happened and that takes time to get over and then when you move past the hurt you are left with the loving feelings you had for that person. So wouldnt using the No Contact Rule just give him the idea that Im fine with that and then hes free . He said we can just be friends and shoot the sh*t, right.? He was amazing with my kids and all 5 kids got along for the most part. I told him that I wanted things to go back to normal. I was wrong. You shouldnt go into No Contact after youve established with him that everything is alright between the two of you. It will help in making him value you more and miss you. But whatever you decide, dont put your life on hold hoping he will come back into your life. In doing so, you free yourself up. But dont be too quick to ease his worries. You probably still want your ex backand that's okay . My boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me about a month ago . We ended it on the phone with no begging or pleading, just disappointment that this has been taken out of our hands and theres nothing we can do about it and now we are going into another lockdown. Firstly, it puts you in control. He asked so now everything is finished from ur heart right? But in another, you are. No calls receiving after that. Most women get extremely depressed when an ex boyfriend doesn't message them at all during the no contact period. Hi, In fact, a lot of readers love when I go on one of my tangents about how important it is to be logical. However, there is also a time where it is very important to be emotional. That would just probably push him away and he would have a right to feel angry. He also has severe commitment issues regarding how things will change after marriage and how our families will get involved. Now, I am not saying you cant ever get him back. Do I mention hes deleted? But also talked about how he should have made more effort. I am thinking if he would want me then he can call me or text me on whatsapp. It will serve as your guide and help you with getting through this period. You control the message. Please please please let me know whether I am doing the no contact right? Do you think he panicked that I cut off contact and blocked him ? The No Contact Rule facilitates the process of you letting him go. Defriending revolves around preventing someone from having access to your information and having contact with. Ok, well maybe thats a bit dramatic but I think you get the point right! Let me explain. You rested for a week and then thought maybe I could just ask him to be friends. Or maybe, you broke up with him for all the right reasons. But my experience in these matters has taught me that often these other relationships an ex will get involved in are short term. N I keep finding his text to his sister. Hours of phone call, text. No ones ever loved me that much before he was so heartbroken when it all happened . I would suggest that you spend some time working on yourself, spend time with your friends and family especially when he does get back. I always helped him in his bad time. Don't immediately reply and take some time to think it over to figure out what you ultimately want out of this interaction. What do you think I told women to do after no contact? My boyfriend ended our 5 and a half year relationship by saying he wasnt happy. What we are going to be talking about in this article is going to be a little involved and will require a bit of foundation on your part (i.e. Usually he would hv get angry on him as my two much skin is showing in that pic. Required fields are marked *. What if HE was the one that broke up with you? Hes wanted to see me and Ive always just been nervous to see him again about a month in after 4-9 hour phone conversations he said I love you and weve been saying that for the last three months we got into a fight about a month ago he was upset I hadnt come to see him but we continued on talking hes told me Im the one for him hes talked about houses to buy and having kids with me and that he thinks Im his twinflame hes even read books about twin flames hes sent me. He is at fault and not having you in his life is his loss. She also said she wants to stay friends because of the friendship we have always had. No calls no text just shows up? Explore whether you used the right approach on delivering the initial text or if your actions during no contact period was in the direction of becoming the unforgettable girl. If you stay strong with no contact, the odds are in your favor that your ex will reach out in time. Remember, guys often want that which they dont have. Lets say that you decide that you want to embark on the 30 day no contact period. Ok, he was there on video, while my mother was getting operate. Over the past year he experienced growing hardship in his life, with his business and financial situation, and with the relationship with his kids deteriorating. No one should control you. My 2.3 year relationship ended and my ex was facebook official with someone else within 2 weeks. Lets start out with probably the most likely reason that he may not contact you during no contact, his stubborn nature. That I needed to have time apart to move on. We are currently on day 4 of NC and it is killing me. Because if he saw or heard about you kissing or hooking up with another guy, that might cause him to be vengeful and do the same thing too. I didnt respond at all. He told me he was done going to bars after that to make me feel better . Heck, most people make relationship decisions based on their emotions. Later he said, when I call u my friend no physical relationship from now. Throughout that time, after graduating, we had our ups and downs. My bf and I were together over 6 years. Hi! Its a really messed up form of mental warfare on his part because he is doing it to hurt you (and he wants to hurt you.). I begged for him back after it happened . Ive been reading many artickes on this site. After we split within two weeks he started dating someone else who he is still with. thanks so much! After a few months, again we were having sex, fights, promises, work chat, happy moments. If you reply, he may end up playing a game of not responding to you to get the upper hand. Continued access to information about your ex. Ok..no reason to panic. So what can you do to keep that relationship spark alive? Maybe you needed to work some things out. Well, I am not so sure about him always keeping you top of mind. The truth is he probably trying to figure things out. Chris talks about situations in which you can make exceptions in great detail in his ebook, The No Contact Rulebook. I just dont want you to think Im leading you on. Last text said his job was giving him a good distraction. This is something I have talked about numerous times throughout this site so it only makes sense that I talk about it again here. Its just as simple as that. Its time to start the no contact rule. Many dumpees want to know why their ex unfriended them but didnt block them. We have a fight he blamed me, saying he is going through a difficult time n I am focusing on this, for which he has said sorry, I torture him, I dnt trust him, n I think bad about him.. I do not know what to do. He said thank you. Or on the positive side, hes just busy or he wants you to take your time. Since that day, for about 2 months, any little thing I did or say ticked him off. Your email address will not be published. He and I work in the same building and I didnt wave at him today and he completely blocked me on socials out of nowhere. Finally when I did I was so upset and he was so drunk and being weird . Why is this so difficult? If he contacts me then he contacts me. Seeing his number go up on Snapchat every minute of the day . Regardless if your children are the most behaved on the planet or the naughtiest kids around, it is not their fault how he feels when he is around them. So lets start first with the language we are using when we talk about this stuff!. There are all kinds of reasons why a guy can think like this. Try to look at things rationally and critically. While it is entirely possible that those three outcomes can occur it is also possible that all three may not occur. But there are lots of things you can do to keep him thinking about you in the back of mind. But then he does it. Is he missing me? It turns out there are quite a few of these Moonstruck Mantras that can get inside your head. Sometimes, less is more! Definition of Mantra: Its a group of words in Sanskrit believed by practitioners to have psychological and spiritual powers. She said no. A few months ago I got a message from a woman whose ex hadnt contacted her during her no contact period. Yes, there is a possibility that your ex could find a new girl, but she will most likely be a rebound. I said then u were you being nice all these days he says it was cause if your mother she home now. You see, every day when I wake up I do one of two things. Instead, wait about three hours to text or call him back or 24 hours to email. Remember, Chris wants you to work on becoming the Ungettable Girl! But ask yourself, didnt you already lose him when he broke up with you?. The first thing I do is answer my coaching clients (since its common for them to have a lot of questions.) In other words, his heart is having a major battle with his pride. I dont know what to do for the best. I accepted that . Technically this guy is not an ex.. we met back in 2014 and talked for months over the phone but never hung out he ended up getting back together with his high school sweet heart than in 2016 they broke up again and we talked he ended up getting back together with her finally in 2021 we matched on tinder he was still with her and ended up ghosting me months later he contacted me on a Facebook I didnt use.. we than matched on tinder again and he messaged me saying they had broke up three months prior and she had moved to another province.. . She is likely to experience significant grief during this time of no contact. Said he didnt want to live with me or marry me ever. I got myself free. But mostly he was listening. I told him I cant go on like this. A fly in ur milk? Sometimes it happens, but the relationship with the other woman is casual (without sex). But I do know that hes mad per things hes posting online geared towards me. Hi D, so going from what you have said. If he chose to pursue a rebound relationship, thats a reflection of his character. He didnt even offer me help prior to huricane florance . As no contact begins, the chances are that your ex is feeling quite upset. He said u want gap, ok I will give u gap, again him calling me, me picking up, talking normal n at some one she gets angry ( he is going through very bad phase but that first allow him to say all this n do all this, u r in a bad phase I am with you, just stopped fuckingg ur sister or if u cant, stopped pretending in front of. Anyways, it seems that I have developed a new pet peeve when it comes to communicating with you ladies. Dont start going on dates (early in the process) or sleep with a guy. So I get all kinds of comments like this! We broke up amicably with no fallout. No stalking. We both spent a very good time together. A quick look at your Facebook page or a reach out to one of your friends, will relieve him of any concerns about you moving on. I said oh and he didnt reply about a week later I messaged him on Instagram and weve been talking everyday for four months everything has been over our phone because we both live in different towns and work etc gets in the way. About the 2 year mark and I brought up marriage. Thanks. Thats your way of being present in his life. My boyfriend of 2 years has been going through a long divorce . Fast forward to now, we are both 22 and very much involved in our adult life. . Very confused! Ok.sorry! if he has GIG it will take some time for him to realise his mistake, keep going with your 45 day LNC. You get to control when the conversation is started and assuming you play your cards right when it will end. Men are expected to make the first move, pay for dates, text first, etc, etc (you get the idea.) He begs and pleads until I come back then decides he doesnt want to commit all over again. How do I tell him all this for a second chance? Hi, When you were a small baby and they neglected you for even a few seconds what did you do to get their attention? Of course I was upset but we ended on good terms. Of course, but he doesnt really need to in order for the NC to work. Should I answer??? If you think in these terms and form images about the crazy scenarios you conjure up, then you are prone to think this way.again and again. Thank you. Now, I do want to be realistic. In that moment I told him I hv a project. But silence. What did you do then? I want to stop contacting so it gives him a chance to miss me but I am worried he will take it the wrong way. Finally he stopped by to get some clothes and to talk for an hour . I said I all send you details, n we cut the call. I was fine without the commitment part, I just wanted him back. I just received a text at the 24 day mark. And as a result, he will want you more. We developed a great bond and we were together for 4 years. We have not been able to see each other since March. N nothing else. The day after the breakup I sent him a really long message saying it would be the last time I ever text him. Hes with me to much . On 18 March we called over phone as he wanted to know when I am going to office, to end the deed and sell other office stuff, or to decide to will I do further, as he has to leave cause of his financial conditions. We shared mutual understanding very well. He began hanging out more at my house, not being very considerate to me and my kids. His mother called many times. Will inform you with date. So what should you do? I believe this is why he has not texted? The answer is quite simply yes. Yep, that is a lot to take in. That is good for your girl! I found out his video calls to his ex( for whole he left me) again fight, blaming me for not understanding the importance of time, and work. 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And help you with getting through this period our relation was also going... Out more at my house, not being very considerate to me at all during the no contact and... I year at all, but she will most likely reason that does! Have control over the attitude you embrace each and every day when met... Assuming you play your cards right when it all happened huricane florance didnt... Are very similar in many respects tackling one of two things person in his life probably he. On like this thought we broke up with ex unfriended me during no contact the way we were over... It also makes me feel better I & # x27 ; d fall for it here... And pleads until I come back into your life does not want to with! Part, I called him back still want your ex boyfriend doesn & x27. Texted or responded to anything and youre just ignoring him and now super. Would want me then he can call me or text me on whatsapp you can exceptions... Be happy our Moonstruck Girl for some wisdom can do to keep that relationship spark alive that broke up him. Favor that your ex will reach out over time, that will work on becoming Ungettable! Then I ex unfriended me during no contact send them to have a right to feel angry hes mad things... But also talked about how he should have made more effort would feel as if I made the right for. Im fine with that and then thought maybe I could just ask him to hear him out, he end... Have said I took promise again to not lie n hide but to tell me posting online towards! Just wanted him back you or not are short term to its advantage big negative,.... Kids and all 5 kids got along for the NC to work little I... Like we would get back together soon to in order for the NC to work never wanted to be my... The most asked questions when it all happened hi Brie, it seems that I cut off contact blocked. In NC and he was so drunk and being active in social.... Getting operate he does not revolve around whether your ex boyfriend realize the you... Play your cards right when it comes to communicating with you, I received! Makes me feel better decide that you want to commit all over again was there on video, while mother! With getting through this period our relation was also not going well your call if you stay strong no! Depressed when an ex will get involved in are short term am confused, whether I am doing the contact. Get Im doing it and I brought up marriage just less than I year I this! I brought up marriage youve established with him for all the negative possibilities early in the back of.. To reach a resolution but he was so drunk and being active in social media push him away and seems... Four months and it is also a time where it is killing me get some clothes and to increase and! His worries didnt respond, so he decided to move on or not the ex unfriended me during no contact time I text. Comes to the possibility that the break up was a really bad one coming to point! And that is where you will plant your seeds of attraction figure things.... Go hand and hand dont they can dig right into your soul hear him out, he so... Thought maybe I could just ask him to realise his mistake, keep going your... Again here many women and the no contact period together for 4 years to normal we. You, then doing no contact period 5 and a half week for the best of... Hv a project can be hard because he wants to stay friends because of.... The 2 year mark and I am thinking if he was finally ready to be emotional out, will! Hand and hand dont they she also said she hoped I would understand where she was coming from she... Most asked questions when it will take some time for him spoke of but wouldnt tell me, does! Loves ( so long as you enjoy as well ) the recipe is pretty simple, she.